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Indifference is the goal

When a spouse dies, friends and family pull together to help the survivor get through the ordeal and through the loneliness and difficult changes in life. People will stop by in the days and weeks after the passing, bringing hot meals and conversation to comfort the grieving spouse.

It’s a warm tradition nourishes the body and soul. But when a couple divorces, and struggles with difficult child custody issues, there is no similar custom. No one brings newly divorced parents a casserole.

Author, editor, mother Shari Lifland writes a blog called Nobody’s Bringing Me Casseroles, about divorce. (She’s writing a book with the same title.)

She wrote recently that those who are recently divorced and grappling with a host of conflicting emotions should try to strive toward indifference. She uses the words of Elie Wiesel, iconic writer, humanitarian and scholar to drive home her point: “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

When a person marries, their spouse is often the center of the world. “You’re interested in absolutely everything about your spouse,” writes Lifland. But when the marriage is over, many people will continue to focus on their ex, especially when kids are involved. So much anger is unresolved, and it can seep out and affect your children.

Instead, Lifland urges readers to focus on themselves — and their children — and take responsibility for their happiness. She notes that “how you react to life’s challenges” is more important than “the specific challenges that come your way.” How you react to your divorce determines your levels of happiness and unhappiness, she writes, rather than the fact that your marriage didn’t last forever.

Lifland is one of many savvy writers and bloggers out there augmenting the emotional support of friends and family as you go through a split. To deal with the legal aspects of divorce, you can lean on the legal knowledge of an experienced Clark County family law attorney. A Las Vegas divorce lawyer protects your rights as you go through the system and restart your life.

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