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A peaceful divorce

When she’s asked if she has an amicable divorce, she answers that it is peaceful. But how can the end of what was to be a lifelong relationship, and is sometimes the unraveling of a family; how can that be peaceful, she is asked.

She has an answer for that, too. Peace isn’t a natural state of affairs in the world. It is one we have to establish as a goal and then work towards. Writer, comedienne Laura Lifshitz notes that “even in the smoothest of divorces, conflict arises.”

The divorced mother notes wryly that few divorces are at all moments tranquil and serene. “If everything were sunshine and kittens, you would stay married!” Point taken. So what to do when disagreement raises its head? “You fight fair,” she writes in the Huffington Post.

She says she took a vow that when she and her ex split, that they would not be the parents waging war at child hand-offs or in school parking lots after the class play. She said she was determined not “to be a part of some ugly divorce circus.”

As we have so often urged people here in our blog and in our office during consultations and meetings, it’s vital that divorcing parents remember that their child is the most vulnerable person in the divorce. He or she needs your protection and love.

Lifshitz says that means she and her ex don’t bring up past arguments or pain, and they take care not to place blame for the divorce on each other. They discuss difficult issues away from their child, and when they do that, they don’t hurl insults.

She lives by the pact she made with herself to fight fairly. And that means not only in post-divorce disagreements, but also when negotiating custody during the legal process. Her ex-husband has their daughter three nights per week.

Her ex is a good father, and daughters need more than just a good mom around. They need and want to be a big part of both of their parents’ lives.

We will share more of what Lifshitz wrote in a future blog post. She has interesting things to say and an often fun way of saying them.

Please take a look at our Las Vegas Child Custody page for more information on the care the Kainen Law Group takes to protect our clients and, most important, our clients’ children as we help everyone get through the difficult process of divorce.

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